It just Keeps Coming...

Phoenix is back in the hospital.

We knew he was losing ground. He couldn't eat, or drink. We had to give him subcutaneous fluids--we were dosing him every night with an IV bag through a needle just under his skin--to keep him hydrated. Sometimes he would shake with the effort of walking and stumble, and he would shake hard as he tried to crouch to lie down. I had to help him lie down yesterday. He couldn't do it. And I've had to wrap him not just in a blanket, but drape a heating pad over him; he was just so cold.

He couldn't stop drooling today. I was quite handy with the Kleenex, but I was worried about the fluid he was using--and the look. He had the same broken look...just before he was diagnosed.

My worry was enough that the SU came home from work, and took him to the hospital for tests.

The cancer has made a comeback. A big one.

Fuck.

They're keeping him overnight, and giving him Elspar.

The SU authorised them giving him this drug when he was first diagnosed with renal lymphoma. I didn't get told until afterward that it was his only chance to live even one more day, and that it causes an anaphylactic reaction in 30% of patients.

It's so potent that it's only given as single dose, and it's always a random call, whether it will knock back the cancer, or just kill you both outright.

But there's one other thing. While they cycle all chemo treatments. they usually don't come back around to Elspar. Not just because it's a last ditch drug, but because it loses most of its effectiveness if the patient survives the first dose. The only reason to come back to it is they literally have nothing else they can do...

My poor little boy...

And last week, J., my best friend of twenty years had to go the ER to get diagnosed with breast cancer. Why? Because a bitch doctor raised the bar on stupid and spiteful. Sure, J. was complaining for TWO MONTHS about an enormous lump that could not only be felt but actually fucking SEEN. Sure, J., a frequent migraine survivor, insisted she was in enormous pain. But all that didn't mean shit. J. was dismissed as a pest and a drama queen. Why? Because people our age can't get cancer.

Seriously.

Fucking SERIOUSLY.

Where the actual fuck are doctors getting their schooling and training? Are they beating them in the head with a lead pipe--and force-feeding them flakes of the lead that fly off--just so they'll make sure they have enough fucking attitude and brain damage to make absolutely certain they'll kill more people than they help? For Fuck's Sake...