Forbidden Dragon: The BlogGall of Marlo Dianne

"Bagels and Blood", short story, in Big Pulp (February 2010)

'Clockwork Dragon' by Marlo Dianne

"Clockwork Dragon", cover art, in Tales of Moreauvia (December 2009)

"Damp", flash, in Outshine (November 2009)

"Trenchcoats or Atomic Insects?", flash, in Outshine (October 2009)

"The Wedding Feast", short story, in Big Pulp (September 2009)

"Cooville", flash, in Sonar 4 (September 2009)

"Chiaroscuro", short story, in Cinema Spec(May 2009)

"Thou Shall Not, flash, in Everyday Weirdness (April 2009)

"Board Now", flash, in Dog Oil Press (March 2009)

"Whale Bone", flash, in Necrography (March 2009)

"Beneath the Crook", poem, in Goblin Fruit (October 2008)

'Fate Machine

"Fate Machine", story illustration, for 'A Test of Fate', in Strange, Weird, and Wonderful (October 2008)

'Hands Free

"Hands Free", story illustration, for 'It's Just a Child's Toy', in Strange, Weird, and Wonderful (October 2008)

'A Delicacy' by Marlo Dianne

"A Delicacy", story illustration, for 'Eating Bugs', in Strange, Weird, and Wonderful (October 2008)

'Tasty Treat Revue' by Marlo Dianne

"Tasty Treat Revue", story illustration, for 'Wicked Wire', in Strange, Weird, and Wonderful (October 2008)

'Teef' by Marlo Dianne

"Teef", cover art, in Big Pulp (June 2008) (reprint)

"Change", short story, in Written Word (April 2008)

"Hunted", short story, in Big Pulp (April 2008)

"Very Tale", poem, in Tales of the Talisman (March 2008)

'Follow' by Marlo Dianne

"Follow", story illustration, for 'Graduation', in All Possible Worlds (October 2007)

'Pillows' by Marlo Dianne

"Pillows", story illustration, for 'Day Off', in All Possible Worlds (October 2007)

"The Monkey's Eye", poem, in Goblin Fruit (October 2007)

"Flesh", short story, in Down in the Cellar (June 2007)

"Bard's Bones", short story, in Fusion Fragment (March 2007)

'Fantastique' by Marlo Dianne

"Fantastique", story illustration, for 'High Concept', in All Possible Worlds (March 2007)

'Robo Rampage' by Marlo Dianne

"Robo Rampage", story illustration, for 'Iron Man', in All Possible Worlds (March 2007)

'Teef' by Marlo Dianne

"Teef", story illustration, for 'Whitening', in All Possible Worlds (March 2007)

"One", flash, in Tales of the Talisman (December 2006)

"Courting Hell", short story, in Forgotten Worlds (October 2006)

"Id", flash, in Raven Electrick (June 2006)

"A Breath of Power", short story, in AlienSkin (February / March 2006)

Amityville House of Pancakes

"Ahop 2 Cover", cover art, for Amityville House of Pancakes Vol.2 (September 2005)

"Gella Murphy: Public Dick", novella, in Amityville House of Pancakes Vol.2 (September 2005)

"Prick", flash, in From the Asylum (August 2005)

"Inticingly entitled, "Prick" builds more suspense and atmosphere in 200 words than some authors manage in 200 pages. The reader truely does justice to the material, using her intensely erotic voice to give the piece the ... umm... climax it so richly deserves..."
--Decker_Angelis on the audio version of "Prick"

"Another marvelous thoughtful story."
--Abyss & Apex, on "Chiaroscuro"

" appealing magazine to look at, with the bright, childlike simplicity and intricate detail of the cover art catching, and holding, the eye."
--Eneit on "Clockwork Dragon"

"If you couldn't tell out there, Marlo Dianne does not write formulaic crap."
--Jack Mangan, author of Spherical Tomi and host of the Deadpan

"...a good bit of fun..."
--Tangent Online, on "Courting Hell"

"...funny, superbly written and engaging... tongue-in-cheek murder mystery...The story twists and turns harder than a high Alpine road, and Gella's resolution of the mystery came out in a way I did not at all expect. Dianne's pungent writing style complements Gella's gritty narration perfectly."
--SFReader, on "Gella Murphy: Public Dick"

"I can't think of another bunch of authors I'd rather be published with. No, really; all my favorites are long dead."
--Sally Kuntz, author of "Froggie"

"Really original."
--Adrienne Jones, author of Temple of Cod and The Hoax

Saturday, September 18, 2010


My brain is very critical.

It can't help it. It's always been this way. It is endlessly frantically tinkering away, taking things apart, trying to figure out how they work.

Or how they don't.

I have vivid memories of myself as a toddler, of watching my hand move my fingers and trying to understand how that worked. How my mind could make that happen, how my fingers could move before I had time to THINK at them to do it.

(Yes, of course I spent my childhood getting violently beaten for being weird. Like I'm giving you new shocking info here.)

By the time I was maybe six or so, I had read books on nerves, circulation, neurons--all the chemistry and physical reactions that make our bodies work.

And I would lie awake in the dark, watching my fingers move, trying to visualise it. Because it was just...amazing.

And we still don't understand it yet. Our bodies are so complicated, and mutated, we probably never will. It's too big, too MUCH.

But it won't stop my brain from trying.

And that bitch is like that with everything.

It LOVES critical essays. It breaks down stories, opinions, machines--ANYTHING--with equal passion. Whether it agrees, disagrees, or even comprehends. It WANTS TO. It has to get in there and sense it, figure it, weigh its worth. Endlessly evolving as new info comes in.

My specialist considers this a symptom of my disease, one to get rid of. That horrifies me. People who don't think? They just confuse, frustrate, enrage...and flat out scare the shit out of me.

I'm on Team Treat My Disease--yes please--But Keep Me.

Like gym class, I find myself alone, endlessly scorned and abandoned as the sole champion of Team Weird.

(True Trivia: I spent three years watching gym class. The teacher decided since no one ever wanted me on their team, the obvious solution was to ban me from participation, period. I was cool with this. Oh, I thought it was unfair and moronic, but it was infinitely better than getting an extra beating when, by chance, the team I was on happened to lose.)

But there's a problem with a brain that NEEDS to reason, is COMPELLED to rationalise. Nah, not the world. It has been thwarted enough to accept that the world, especially humans, don't make sense. Mostly. Sometimes it still shudders and flings about in frantic panic when they do something unusually...wrong. But lo, WTAF is just part of universe. And not always a bad part.

The problem is nightmares.

I can't sleep. And I don't want to, no matter how broken or exhausted I am. I'm blogging, even though it hurts, and hurts worse, because I'm afraid to go back to sleep. Because there will be another nightmare.

I still can't write. I've come through anguish and confusion and grief to admit, with great pain, that my diseases have killed that. It's a loss I never expected. My mind has given me stories, probably longer than it even had words. It sees the world as stories. And there was always two busy and joyful and fully compatible parts of my mind. The one that tore odd things apart, and the one that pulled random things together.

With both gone, I can't imagine what me would be left. I wouldn't be able to. Literally. And I can't be convinced of the point of saving my body, if I'm not in it anymore...

But I've wandered off. I think my mind did it on purpose, managing to cleverly compel me to say things I've been, mostly, avoiding saying while employing stealthy ninja aversion from the thing it wanted to avoid more.


I discovered, especially while bedridden in pure agony, waiting for my surgeries and then recovering from them, my brain still desperately needs to make sense, to rip random into reason, force form on the formless...

When I'm sleeping.

It NEEDS to make sense of the pain. And the ONLY rational explanation it could come up with was this: I was being murdered.

So whenever I COULD sleep, in whatever broken little slip I grabbed, or jerking nod I feel into, it was the same. I had very vivid nightmares, exquisitely detailed and different every time, except in theme. Someone was trying to kill me, and I was losing. Badly.

The pain was perfect, exactly matching what the growths were doing to my insides. Other than murder, that was the only part that was identical every time.

I'm getting nightmares again. It makes sense. The tennis ball is technically a different disease, but it's fucking eerie. It's in nearly the same place as the biggest and nastiest of the growths they cut out of me before. It's actually BIGGER, and well, let's not get into all the utter grim and have you all flee, but it's shoving on the same things and causing the same pain and symptoms as before. The ones I spent three years with, so I know them rather fucking well. Too well.

This hasn't been good for my WAKING mental state, ending up exactly where I was, as if I never fought so fucking hard to find some way out at all. All those fucking arguments and indifferent specialists and excruciating tests and horrific treatments and brutal surgeries for nothing. NOTHING. Because I never recovered; I couldn't. I still have the progressive disease that gave me the growths in the first place. The growths that can still come back, anytime, and they might as well have. For all I know, the disease gave me this too. we are. Trapped. Back in the same agony, back in the same bed, back with no hope, no options, no idea how or when this will end...

Awake or asleep, I'm already back in the same nightmare, the variations only make it worse...

<< Home

Online Portfolio: Small samples of my art.

Forbidden Dragon: Very small online print gallery.

They're Free. Take One. Or All:

"Despair" by H.P. Lovecraft (recorded live, 06/22/07)

Prick by Marlo Dianne (higher res single; posted 02/08/07)

Prick by Marlo Dianne (previously appeared in digital print; August 2005, From the Asylum; posted 02/08/07)

A Fruitless Assignment by Ambrose Bierce (posted 01/22/07)

Id by Marlo Dianne (higher res single; posted 01/13/07)

Star Wars in 230 Words by Byron Starr (posted 12/07/06)

Id by Marlo Dianne (previously appeared in digital print; June 2006, Raven Electrick; posted 11/30/06)

Seen by Marlo Dianne (previously unpublished; posted 10/04/06)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 1 - From the Dark by H. P. Lovecraft (04/04/06; posted 05/13)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 2 - The Plague-Daemon by H. P. Lovecraft (04/16/06; posted 05/18)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 3 - Six Shots By Moonlight by H. P. Lovecraft (05/17/06; posted 06/01)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 4 - The Scream of the Dead by H. P. Lovecraft (07/14/06; posted 07/17)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 5 - The Horror from the Shadows by H. P. Lovecraft (08/12/06; posted 08/14)

Herbert West: Reanimator - Part 6 - The Tomb-Legions by H. P. Lovecraft (10/18/06; posted 10/18)

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams (03/27/06; posted 05/02)

Books I've saved, forever free for everyone:

Mary Hartwell Catherwood - The Romance of Dollard (100%)

James De Mille - The Lily and the Cross (posted 01/27/10)

James De Mille - A Castle in Spain (posted 01/05/10)

Robert J. C. Stead - The Homesteaders (posted 04/20/09)

James De Mille - The Cryptogram (posted 03/29/09)

James De Mille - The Dodge Club (posted 10/29/08)

James De Mille - The Lady of the Ice: A Novel (posted 07/07/07)

(As a PP for DP):

Émile Faguet - Initiation into Literature (posted 07/27/03)

Stephen Hudson - War-time Silhouettes (posted 06/17/03)

Ezra Pound - Certain Noble Plays of Japan (posted 06/14/03)

Elias Johnson - Legends, Traditions, and Laws of the Iroquois, or Six Nations, and History of the Tuscarora Indians (posted 06/08/03)

Magnus Gustaf Mittag-Leffler - Niels Henrik Abel (posted 05/19/03)

+474 pages for DP (from April - July 2003)

September 22 2005 - September 14 2013

All Material
© 1991-2013

Marlo Dianne.

All Rights Reserved.