Maybe it's because I've always had such a hard time sleeping. The world
is wired backwards to me. I get tired in the morning, usually around
sunrise, sometimes later. It's always been bizarre, knowing this is when
I'm *supposed* to wake up. Back when I had to go to school, or when I
had traditional jobs, I had miserable days of usually going three to
five days with no sleep at all. My body would stubbornly refuse to sleep
at night. No matter how tired I was, and I was beyond tired, I couldn't
Setting my own hours has always been the sweetest part about
working for myself :P
My wiring has another role too, in that my mind is always active. I have
a very hard time stopping it from thinking, and if I'm anxious the
hamster on the wheel gets extra frantic, especially in the quite time of
trying to sleep, when there's nothing to distract him. In later years of
desperate exhaustion, when I had my first VCR, I would take to playing
movies that I'd seen hundreds of times, so I could bait and switch that
hamster. Focus on *this*, and sometimes I could slide into sleep. I
didn't have many movies, and I don't think people knew how I used their
gifts, but I once spent an entire summer falling asleep to Speed.
I'm fairly confident I can still quote most of the dialogue. Line perfect.
I'm getting an urge to watch it right now.
But, maybe it's because of my uneasy nature with sleep that:
Naps are treats.
Sometimes I promise myself one to get through something rough. Something
rough is usually body and soul draining, so the reward really works out. :)
The best part about a good nap is that it's like reboot. When things are
going wrong and all hope is lost. Go to sleep, and you'll wake up to a
I do my dreaming when I'm awake.
So I'm going to dream, and then I'm going to sleep...