Publication: "Chiaroscuro"

Cinema Spec is now available at Amazon, which includes my flash tale, "Chiaroscuro".

Yes, that's an affiliate link for Raven Electrick, the publisher. Yes, they will get a few extra pennies if you click through. No, I'm not getting paid royalties :P

Update: Permanent

Currently Playing: David Cook - Permanent
Currently Reading: Twilight Series (again)


So, I'm still doing terrible.

I'm not posting or emailing or having contact with humans in general. Mostly, I feel too awful to put thoughts together, and even when I can they amount to misery. Which is kind of, you know, best not shared.

I've seen my specialist again. It's bad. The clutch of growths is indeed gone, yes, but they are of a kind that are going to come back. Worse, he thinks the damage they've done is permanent. I'm not going to get better. Ever.

The Spousal Unit doesn't accept this.

I was in the ER again all of Monday, with the IVs and the screaming and the whole ugly deal, just as if I'd never had two surgeries. As if I still had a clump of tumours in my middle.

But the S.U. won't admit I've lost.

That *we* lost.

Of course, most of the time--no matter how bad I hurt, even when I'm a sobbing mess, and my rational mind wants and begs my body to just die already--I don't think I've lost either. But I mean it different. My body is lost. And sure, my life hurts real bad, I'm not going to lie, ever. But I still win. I've got the most amazing person for a partner, a person who has to suffer unbelievable crap to be with me, and yet is somehow convinced I'm totally worth it.

I wouldn't have chosen to live.

But I'm here, and I have to fight to stay that way.

I might not get forever. This is it, so I have to hold on harder than the pain, harder than death itself. That's the price. The S.U. will stay with me, but I have to stay.

A terrible price.

And totally worth it...

Ow

Oh man, do I feel bad for Kris Allen. He seems like a sweet and genuine and talented guy. And he won by coordinated gay bashing. Ouch.

I bet he's still throwing up.

And that is never going away. The rest of his frickin *life* the poor bastard is irrevocably linked with hatred.

Sorry, Pocket Idol, that was a bus you couldn't dodge, and those wheels will bite deep...

Breaking News

It's Free Comic Day, which means, ungodly agony be damned, I may have to, somehow, actually *leave the house*...

Rapturous

So, there is tech of the afterlife.

Personally, I'm disappointed. I was hoping this meant I could still access my laptop when my carbon had blown apart. Nuts!

But I'm not even a bit surprised people create their own memorials or death notices. I'm puzzled why anyone would expect otherwise; we do everything digitally we do elsewhere. Our needs haven't changed, just how we can express them.

My study question is this: In The Rapture part of the article, who picks the Faithful? I mean, the divine isn't setting up the web server. What kind of appalling twit thought he could pick the chosen? And what kind of sick mind agrees they've been anointed? I'm pretty sure the kind answer is not people who are making the world a better place. One thing I'm *damn* certain of, the people who are the most deserving would NEVER consider themselves that.

Also, in other news to limp your noodle, self-described evolutionary theorists have decided a major design of the human penis is sperm sucking. Yes. They tried to prove it out as viable with flour and water.

I'm not saying this will cause The Rapture, just that you might wish it would.

This idea is fairly up in the ew-no meter. Germs, of course, but also the proposal that all girls are such sloppy seconds, nay, infinities, that they need to be scooped out during use.

Sigh.

I really really hate arm-waving agenda-slinging crackpotting that tries to give itself authority by yanking at the label of science.

This totally falls in the non-science camp, where people creep you way the hell out by proposing ideas that reveal more about how twisted they see the world rather than even pretending to have empirical study about the universe.

Study question: So imagine you report that your job is to play with pseudo sperm and manufactured penises. What is your aim? To prove that girls are whores! Sounds objective. I'm sure your mother might love you anyway, but I hope your dating life is ugly complicated.

Study question 2: And how many millions do you think they got for the government grant? Come on, unless it's weapons or meds, it's all funded by people who can't complain and cut the coin.

Just take a deep breath and picture the perfect greens and blues of your virtual resting place...